


if you want love

by MandoGab



Series: I'll show you the stars [one-shots] [7]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Clan Wren, Family means everything, Mandalore, Mando'a, Space family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26397163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandoGab/pseuds/MandoGab
Summary: "My mother was shot by one of the Saxon clan snipers. She's still unconscious. Her condition is so serious that-" she broke off, feeling lost her voice and turn to a sob.What if: Ursa Wren will die and leave behind some chaos and a broken family?[After: SW:R - Heroes of Mandalore]
Relationships: Alrich Wren & Sabine Wren, Alrich Wren & Tristan Wren, Alrich Wren & Ursa Wren, Ezra Bridger & Sabine Wren, Sabine Wren & Tristan Wren, Sabine Wren & Ursa Wren, Tristan Wren & Ursa Wren
Series: I'll show you the stars [one-shots] [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699936
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	if you want love

**Author's Note:**

> Story for my friend, Grace. ❤️
> 
> Song lyrics in the story –  
>  _"If you want love"_ **NF**

_Ask me how I'm doin', I'll say "okay, " yeah  
But ain't that what we all say?  
I wish somebody woulda told me  
If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain  
If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change_

"I won!" Sabine shouted, her laughter echoing in the Ghost's cargo hatch. She was the first to evaporate from the ship, followed by Ezra, staring down at her. Then Kanan and Hera, who argued with Chopper about the capabilities of her own ship. The mission they had just completed was a success. The young people made a bet about which of them would shoot down more fighters. Ezra lost, though he still defended himself, saying that Sabine was in a better position.  
Zeb came out to meet them, but on his face they could not find the joy he should radiate. Eventually, they thwarted another Imperial plan.

"Is something wrong, Zeb?" Hera asked, coming up to him. The rest of the crew also noticed him. Lasat sighed softly, lowering his head.

"Sabine, your brother has been in contact with the base. I told him we had no communication with you. He asked you to send a message as soon as possible," he replied, feeling anxious over him. The family had never contacted them before. The situation was at least strange, but he sensed that something bad had happened. He didn't get anything from Tristan, but the boy seemed downcast and his voice sounded like he'd just finished crying.

Sabine disappeared back on the ship. She went to her own room to contact her brother using the communicator on her wrist. Tristan answered right away. Despite the poor connection, she saw tears on his cheeks.

"Zeb, you know what's going on?" Kanan asked.

"No, I didn't. Tristan wanted to talk directly to Sabine. When I told him it was impossible, he asked for authorization to connect with the Ghost, but you were out of reach," Lasat said calmly, looking towards the ship, hoping the Mandalorian would explain everything to them in a moment.

"They blocked our connections," Hera explained. "Long time ago?"

"Four hours ago," he replied. His voice was so… strange.

Hera exchanged a glance with Kanan, then the eyes of the entire group turned to the Spirit, from which the sounds of rapidly stepped footsteps came.  
Sabine ran down the ramp, quickly wiping her eyes.

"Hera, I must go to Mandalore immediately," she said, her voice trembling, trying with all her might to contain her emotions. "Can I get the Phantom?"

"Hey, hey, hey, Sabine, what happened?" She asked, but the girl was not eager to answer. Her entire family looked at her expectantly, and she didn't have time to explain. She had to go. Now.

"My mother was shot by one of the Saxon clan snipers. She's still unconscious. Her condition is so serious that-" she broke off, feeling lost her voice and turn to a sob. Tears rolled down her cheeks, which she could no longer hold back. "Tristan also mentioned Bo-Katan. Nothing happened to her" she added. "I, I ... have to go there now. We don't know how much time-"

"Oh, Sabine," Hera whispered, closing her in her arms. She could imagine the girl's pain, anyone here could, and her feelings filled them in turn. The Mandalorian nestled into the body of the step-mother, unable to pretend to be strong in front of her, when inside it broke into hundreds of pieces.

"We will fly with you," Ezra said suddenly, interrupting the moments full of sobbing and lingering uncertainty.

"That's right, girl We won't leave you alone now," Zeb added. Sabine wiped her tears and gave them a small smile. She did not expect such support, but deep down she wanted very much.

*******

Hera sat down in the pilot's seat, steadily grabbing the controls to lift the ship off the ground as quickly as possible. The crew was ready to take off, they all sat in the cockpit impatiently waiting for departure. Mon Mothma agreed, but reluctantly, given their participation in the war. But she couldn't stop Hera, she knew that she would find a way to go to Mandalore anyway, even if that would risk demoting it. Family was the most important after all.

Sabine left the cockpit as soon as they left the Yavin 4 landing pad. Ezra wanted to follow her, but Kanan stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Give her some time, Ezra," he said, and the young padawan nodded, sitting back down in his seat. Hera looked at the boy, giving him a gentle smile.

This situation was new to everyone, and at the same time it was opening up old wounds. Kanan sighed softly, remembering the moment Ezra learned of his parents' death. He perfectly remembered his tears, the fear, and the pain that was tearing him to pieces. As a Jedi, he experienced many breathless moments in his life, made him never want to participate in this war, and at the same time drove him to action. He wished Sabine would not experience what Ezra had experienced, that she would not feel the pain they all knew.

"She needs me, I can't leave her now," the boy replied, and Hera cast a quick glance at Kanan, who was not going to stop him, knowing the words would be useless. Ezra quickly left the cockpit, making his way to Sabine's cabin, which was her refuge. He knocked on the door of the girl's room, but silence answered him.

"Sabine, it's just me," he said, knocking again.

"I want to be alone, Ezra. I'm fine," she replied, her voice muffled by the door.

"You know I'm not leaving here. Besides, I can open this door with the Force, and I will if you don't let me in.”

It was an irrefutable argument.

Sabine appeared moments later on the threshold. She looked rather ordinary, if he hadn't felt her pain, he would probably have thought that she was really okay. But it wasn’t.

"Hera sent you?" Sabine asked, raising an eyebrow. She let her friend pass, and Ezra entered the colorful room.

"No, actually-„

"You really shouldn't worry about it that much," she interrupted him and closed the door behind her so that no one could hear their conversation.

"I can't help but worry, Sabine." I know that feeling, you know it. ”He sighed. - You are worried about her, it is understandable, she is your mother.

"I... I don't know why it's so hard for me," she admitted, sitting down on the bunk. Ezra joined her, glancing uncertainly in her direction. He didn't want her to suddenly shut up from him, but he wasn't going to force the right one out of her. He knew she needed time. "For the last few years I have not had any contact with her, except for the time when I lived in Krownest for several months. But for so many years I have been doing without it, I shouldn't have felt like this. I might as well never meet her again."

Ezra stared at her, trying to read her eyes, but it wasn't necessary. She opened herself to him, allowed him to peer into the innermost chambers of her own heart.

"Once... was different once," she whispered, looking down at her own hands. Ezra followed her gaze, watching her play with her fingers for a moment, trying to stop her body trembling and shake off the tears in her eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asked softly.

"When we were kids. For the first two years of my life we still lived in Mandalore, only after the clone wars ended she became a countess and stronghold became our home. She never wanted to join the Empire, she fought with Bo-Katan to liberate the Mandalore, she wanted changes, but not changes that would lead to our planet being taken over by outsiders. When we were children, she wanted to provide us with the best training in the spirit of Mandalorian traditions, but that's not all. She was just a good mother," Sabine said, smiling slightly. Ezra returned the gesture, remembering his own mother.

Mira was the most beloved mother he could imagine. She enjoyed every success of her son, was always patient and understanding, even when he made a mess. She fought for him, though she tried with all her might to hide it, not wanting to endanger him.  
Ezra remembered the day he had lost her once and for all.  
The day he stopped being a child.

"You know, she used to sing lullabies for us," Sabine said, looking at him. Ezra tried to imagine her serious mother putting her little children to sleep. He hadn't thought about it before. He had not thought about the Mandalorian woman's previous life, mistakenly assuming it only involved strict discipline. Until now he hadn't realized how wrong he was. "t's funny, isn't it? You would never think about it.”

"No, not really," he replied. "To tell the truth, so far I have considered her a tough fighter who puts the family in second place, somewhere below everything she is aiming for.”

"What changed your mind now?”

"The way you talk about her as if you... once really felt like the most important person to her. Though there is a depressing sadness in your voice anyway," he said confidently, knowing that hiding anything from her wouldn't get him anywhere. "I can't figure it out.”

He wanted to add something else, but when he saw the girl's gaze, he immediately fell silent.

In the few years he had spent with her, he realized that he shouldn't be pressured, especially when it came to Sabine's family relationships. The situation was simply difficult. Ezra knew they had lost their families around the same time. His parents were taken by the Empire, and her parents placed her in the Imperial Academy just to throw her out of the clan after her desertion.

He never thought about how her mother felt, how her father felt, with the idea that they couldn't protect her any further. In a way, she was a traitor, and traitors have no place in a fortress. Not in the family.

Sabine closed her eyes, trying to calm the thoughts racing inside. She wanted to cut herself off from this world for a moment, to disappear somewhere safe, and to return only when her mother was safe and sound.

Or she could turn back time, be by her side when the shot was fired. To protect her, or, even earlier, prevent her from going to Mandalore. If only she knew...

_"Ba'jur bal beskar'gam, Ara'nov, aliit, Mando'a bal Mand'alor," Sabine repeated like a mantra. Ursa watched for a moment, not revealing her position to her daughter. She watched Sabine paint on the walls, though she told her at least ten times this week not to. The three-year-old, however, hardly listened.  
"An vencuyan mhi," Ursa concluded quietly, betraying her presence. Sabine jumped at her mother's voice behind her back, but she quickly put down her painting supplies and threw herself into her arms.  
"How many times have I talked about painting on the walls?" Ursa asked, but there was no anger or resentment in her voice. She tried to hide her laughter when she saw the paint-stained face and clothes of her daughter, like a real artist's.  
"Dad allowed," she smiled broadly, then hid her face, placing her head on Mom's shoulder. "Will we paint together?"  
"Another time, ad'ika. I still have a lot of work to do."  
"But you promised," murmured Sabine.  
"I know, but I'm the Countess of Clan Wren, and I have to take care of all my errands so I can come over tonight and sing you a lullaby," she explained, and the girl brightened a little.  
"Will I become a countess one day?"  
"Yes, Sabine. Someday I will cease to be her so that you can take my place."_

Sabine opened her eyes, knowing Ezra was still here. She knew she wouldn't leave until she was sure she was okay. That day, she was glad that he had made her talk together. She needed it. She needed to tell someone the whole truth.

"I failed her. Throughout her childhood, she kept saying that someday I would take her place, that I would be like her, but nothing went her way. I can't be the Countess of Clan Wren, I don't want this. Only she is entitled to this title. I've already destroyed our family enough.”

"Sabine, you didn't do anything wrong," he said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. The Mandalorian, however, rejected it as she stepped down from the bunk.

"Nothing wrong, right?" She burst out suddenly, staring at him sharply. "Where should I start? From obeying orders or creating weapons that the Empire used on my own clan? I destroyed everything she created." Sabine's words cut the air. Ezra looked down, not knowing what he might actually say. "She almost died once for my fault! Now she can really die! By me! It should be me, Ezra! I should have killed Saxon when I had the chance, I should have been their target now! She is needed, I don't! I'm not needed by anyone," she concluded, her arms, with which she had gestured vividly, dropping limp along her body. She was trembling, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Did you think about us for a moment?" He asked, jumping to the ground and walking towards her. "Have you thought about this family or your own father and brother? Don't we need you too?”

"I don't deserve all of this, Ezra," she whispered, letting a sob leak out of her throat. "I don't deserve the love I got.”

He didn't answer, but walked closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, closing her in a tender embrace. She was his older sister and more than once helped him deal with the past, now the time has come for him. It might seem that their paths were completely different, but in some ways it had to be a lie.

He only saw Sabine's tears twice.

Mandalorians rarely showed any affection. He had known Sabine for a little over four years and could only remember a few moments when she showed her emotions to the world. He had learned too little to show them himself. Feelings in a war can destroy you. They can become your weak point, which can definitely give your opponent an advantage. He did not want to risk the life of his new family, remembering the departure of his parents. However, he treated Hera like his mother, Kanan, being his master and friend, also replaced his father. Zeb was like a brother and Sabine was like an older sister who always walked her own paths. But he had no idea if the Mandalorian thought the same of the Ghost crew. Were they just crew members for her? Ever since they flew to Krownest, it had seemed as if everything had changed, not necessarily for the better. Having a family in Mandalore, did she still feel like part of that family of outcasts?

"You belong to this family, Sabine," he whispered, feeling her arms tighten around his waist. He smiled slightly, hoping this moment would last longer. "Never forget that.”

*******

"We're entering the atmosphere of Mandalore," Hera announced, and Sabine looked up, throwing a hesitant glance at Ezra. They were in his cabin with Zeb, who suddenly put a hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, and Lasat gave her a gentle smile.

"It'll be okay, Bine. Your mother is a tough fighter," he said, wanting to cheer her up.

"Sure," she said blankly.

"Hey, we'll be there with you all the time," Ezra added.

"Thank you," she said softly, then looked at them. "I really do."

Ezra smiled.

The door suddenly opened and they saw Kanan standing in the corridor. His gaze was automatically focused on Sabine. The Mandalorian, however, looked down. She hated being the center of attention, though she knew it was inevitable now.

"All good?" He asked, looking at Zeb and Ezra in turn. The boy shrugged his shoulders, then left the cabin, most likely going to Hera.

"Yes, everything is fine," she replied.

She was the worst liar in the galaxy.

But Kanan added nothing more, did nothing more.  
What was he to say to a girl who might lose her mother forever?

Looking at Sabine's pain, he could still see Ezra's pain when he found out his parents had died. He could feel his fear long after these events. He knew it would take a long time to come to terms with their departure. They were his hope, they were the spark he believed in, though he had run away from it for years. Kanan heard Ezra's conversation with Sabine, heard his words, which he uttered intuitively, hiding his feelings from the Mandalorian.

He didn't want the same to happen to Sabine, he couldn't imagine what she would have to go through after all these years of separation from her mother. He was not sure about the feelings of the Mandalorian.

He wasn't sure how Sabine would take her mother's death.  
A mother who once failed to extend a helping hand when her daughter really needed her.

*******

When the Ghost landed, Sabine seemed composed and completely insensitive to reality. She wasn't like someone who feared for her mother's life, but Kanan sensed a wavering and instability in her. He felt her pain and fear, he could see these feelings in her eyes. He had the feeling that Hera felt it too, even though she was not sensitive to the Force.

"Sabine," Hera began, placing her hand on the Mandalorian's shoulder.

"Hera, I'm fine," the girl replied, giving her the most false smile that a Twi'lek woman had seen in her life. The woman opened her mouth as if to say something, but the words didn't come out of her throat. Sabine was grateful to her for that. She quickly put on her helmet, shutting herself up to everyone, except Ezra and Kanan. She couldn't hide her emotions from them. Though she should, she didn't feel comfortable with the thought. She wanted to relieve them, hide, run away... she wanted to experience it herself. She knew they had all lost their own families or had been separated due to the ongoing struggle. Her feelings were hers, no one else should feel her pain in addition, not after all they had been through.

*******

"Sabine!" Tristan shouted, noticing his sister from afar. He ran up to her without bothering to greet the rest of the Ghost crew. It was as if he hadn't even noticed them at all. Ezra looked at him but said nothing either. From a distance, the whole family was watching the siblings.

"What about her?" Sabine asked immediately, wanting to get it over with.

"They are doing everything to save her," he replied, and the Mandalorian suddenly saw tears in his eyes. She couldn't remember the last time he'd been like this. Tristan was a good fighter, an exemplary son, and a worthy successor. Even though he was younger than her, their age was often confused, claiming that he was Ursa Wren's firstborn child. In a way, Sabine wanted that to be true.

She was a traitor. Even after redeeming her guilt, she still felt that it was not enough. She couldn't erase the past, though she tried with all her might.

"Can I see her?" She asked, and Tristan nodded, then started walking. Sabine glanced at her adoptive family, and Hera gave her a hopeful smile. The Mandalorian knew that they would wait for her, that they would support her, that she could always count on them no matter what.

Sabine followed her brother as she moved briskly down the corridor. The Mandalorian hospitals were completely different from the medical zones at the Yavin base. The sterile white walls hurt her eyes, and it took a moment to get used to this almost empty space. She already hated this place. She wanted to go back to the ship to get her paints. She wanted to paint over white, to destroy the perfect, unadulterated color.

"Sabine," she heard her father's voice say suddenly. He was standing by the glass, but as soon as he saw her, he moved quickly towards her, after a moment closing her in his arms. She wanted to cry like a little girl. She wanted him to wipe the tears from her cheeks, just like when she was little. 

However, the salty tears did not come out, she was no longer a little girl. "It's all right," he whispered, kissing her gently on the temple. - Everything will be fine.

"She woke up?" Tristan asked, a smile suddenly spread across his face as Alrich nodded resolutely.

"She asked about you, Sabine," the man said softly, looking at his daughter.

"I should have been here earlier," she began.

"But the mission was more important," concluded Tristan reproachfully. Alrich glared at him.

"You couldn't have known.”

"Will she come out of this?" Sabine asked directly.

Alrich didn't answer.

It was with him that she had the best contact. It was he who made her never give up painting, that once good fun became part of her everyday life. She had always been able to guess his emotions. Somehow she knew when he was sad, even if he didn't show it outright. As if she knew him inside out.

He was silent.  
And silence was the answer.  
She nodded, then turned and walked away. Nobody called her.

*******

Bo-Katan hid her face in her hands, leaning slightly forward. She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling loudly from her mouth. She could not look at her friend, see her motionless body as if completely lifeless. Alrich told her everything. They couldn't save her, they couldn't save her from death, they weren't miracle workers.

"It should have been me," she whispered, placing her hand on the cool glass. She closed her eyes, feeling Fenn's strong arms wrap around her waist, closing her in a secure embrace. She wanted to extricate herself, but he wouldn't let her. She might be the toughest Mandalorian in the galaxy, but that didn't matter compared to his arms holding her tight.

"Don't say that, Bo," he whispered, kissing her gently on the temple. He closed his eyes, savoring her scent calmly. He couldn't imagine a life without her, not now that he had her with him again.

"She has someone to live for," she replied without thinking too much about her words.

"What about me?" He asked, straightening up.

"You know I didn't mean it. She has a husband, she has children, she is the leader of the Wren clan…”

"And I only have you, Bo. Only you.”

She said nothing. She just looked down, feeling his arms move away from her. She didn't have to turn to know she was walking down the hall. She hurt him in her own words, but was serious. Ursa could not leave her family. She just couldn’t.

*******

Hera hugged Sabine tightly as if she wanted to take away all her pain. The Mandalorian returned to Ghost, not knowing what to do with herself after her father's silent reply. Before that, she had tried not to think about what would happen if they didn't save her mother, even though she should have prepared for it. She had been a nerve for the last few hours. She had never felt so weird before.

"I can't lose her," she whispered so softly that Hera hardly heard her. The Twi'lek woman felt tears welling up in her eyes. It was so hard for her to look at a Sabine like that. The mandalorian had belonged to her family for several years. They had a very good relationship, almost like mother and daughter. Moreover, Hera had the impression that until she reunited with her real mother, Sabine thought she was so. Yes, they were also friends, but the girl felt a certain respect for the pilot.

"I know, Sabine," Hera said softly.

"Do you remember your mom?" Sabine asked suddenly, glancing at the game to study Twi'lek's eyes. Hera smiled slightly.

"Yes," she replied. "I remember some moments, I remember what she looked like, what she was. I remember all the good things about it.”

"Do you think that... that I too will remember all these good times?”

"Certainly," she said, feeling her eyes fill with tears again.

"She wasn't always like that," Sabine whispered, resting her head on Hera's shoulder. "But the Empire changed everything. When we were kids, she raised us tough Mandalorians. However, she was patient and calm. Some people were surprised, after all, she herself underwent this training much more brutally. I don't remember her ever saying she loved me, but I would have been too young or had superseded that memory when she left me.”

They were interrupted by the sudden sound of an incoming message. There were only these in the cockpit, and the rest of the crew left to give them some space. Hera sighed softly, not knowing if she really wanted to receive this message.

"Fine. It could be something important," Sabine said, disentangling herself in her warm maternal arms.  
"Captain Syndulla, this is Senator Mon Mothma. You and your crew are needed on Yavin. Preferably full line-up," a female voice said, and Hera quickly looked at Sabine. The Mandalorian, however, did not speak.

"We can't go back now, we're on Mandalore.”

"Captain, I know what the situation is and I understand it completely, but with all the rebellion we are counting on you on Yavin. Your crew has been very successful in the fight against the Empire, you are needed.”

"Hera, you should go," Sabine interrupted suddenly. "I ... I can't, but you can. I'll be fine, don't worry," she added, giving her a rather unconvincing smile.

"Okay, but Ezra stays with you," Hera said, her voice unbearable. "I hope it won't be a problem, Senator?”

"No," Mon Mothma said softly, though Hera knew the woman was certainly not thrilled with this decision. However, the Twi'lek woman did not want to leave Sabine alone. They had really good contact with Ezra, they understood each other almost without words. She hoped he was making the right decision.

***** *** *****

Alrich sighed softly. Her hand was cool, but it still fit his hand perfectly. He stared at her slumbering face, wishing he would meet her eyes, even for the last time. He wanted to remember that amber gaze, filled with the feeling they shared.

_"You know art?" He asked softly, not wanting to scare her. He had been watching this armed Mandalorian woman for a long moment, who was staring at one of his paintings with full concentration. The girl looked at him in surprise, but didn't answer the question. "Are you an artist too?"  
"No, I just," she broke off suddenly, then started toward the gallery exit. If she were an ordinary Mandalorian, he would just let her leave without saying a word. But with her he couldn't. He didn't know her, but there was something about her that intrigued him. He ran after her, then courageously took her hand, risking a lot. After all, she had the blasters with her, he had a feeling they weren't replicas.  
"You don't understand, I can't stay here," she said quickly, wanting to break away.  
"Wait, I just want to know. Can I ask you one question?" He asked, looking at her pleadingly. She paused, then nodded, glancing nervously around the gallery.  
"What did you see in it?"  
"I don't know, it's beautiful. I've never known anything so interesting and profound. It intrigued me, that's all. There is something about him that we lack - balance," she said, looking at him for a moment.  
"Haven't seen you here before. Who you are?”  
"That's more than one question.”  
Alrich didn't answer. He just nodded, letting her go. That was the deal.  
He turned, wanting to go in the opposite direction, when suddenly he heard her voice again:  
"Ursa. My name is Ursa Wren.”_

*****

Alrich closed his eyes, feeling his tears fill. Most in the world he didn't want to lose just her. It was she who changed his whole life, giving it a new meaning. She was the mother of his children and the best wife he could have had. Before that, he couldn't imagine his life without her, he couldn't. Even if it wasn't their dream life. They never had the time or opportunity to do anything they wanted to. They couldn't be irresponsible with the entire Wren clan resting on their shoulders.

"Al-rich," she whispered, almost silently, slowly lifting her eyes.

"I'm here, my dear," he whispered back, lifting her hand up and kissing the top softly. She wanted to say something, but the words didn't come out as she opened her mouth. A tear ran down her cheek and he wiped it with his warm thumb. He gave her a gentle smile, though in his heart he just wanted to cry.

"I don’t… feel," she whispered, trying to raise her hand.

"Do you remember what happened?" He asked softly. Ursa nodded slowly.

"Someone shot," she replied, her voice almost its usual tone. "Bo-Katan was there too. What about her?"

„She’s okay. Fenn saved her," he whispered, feeling the words overwhelm him. He should be there too and protect her. Instead, he chose to attend an art exhibition in Keldabe. When he found out what had happened, he saw the blackest images before his eyes, he could almost hear her scream in his ears, there was only guilt in his heart.

"Mandalore needs its leader," she said softly, smiling slightly. "I'm glad she's fine.”

"Alrich," she began, and he looked directly at her. "I'm so… so tired.”

"I know," he whispered. Tears ran down his cheeks, but he refused to wipe them. He didn't feel Mandalorian at the moment, he felt like a husband who was about to lose his beloved riduur.

"Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum," she said weakly, closing her eyes. Her pale face lit up with a gentle smile that made Alrich return the gesture. He stood up slowly, then leaned over her to kiss her one last time.

"Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum, cya'rika," he whispered.

*****

Sabine walked uneasily into the immaculate white room in the center of which was the bed and her mother lying on the bed. Ursa gave her a slight smile and tears glistened in her eyes. The young Mandalorian had never experienced such a sight in her life and, frankly speaking, did not want to experience it. She was afraid to take the few steps that separated her from her mother. For a moment she just stood still, as if waiting for the right moment.

"Sabine," Ursa began, but something made her stop and look down. The girl didn't hold it against her. She knew perfectly well how difficult it is sometimes to say certain words that should have been said in completely different circumstances. Sabine walked uncertainly to her mother and sat down next to her.

"I apologize you. I never wanted that to happen… that's it," the younger of them finally confessed, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. She was really sorry. She knew how much family and clan had suffered when she fled Mandalore, joined the rebels and put her own people in danger.

"Sabine," Ursa whispered. "I know. And I also have to apologize to you. I wasn't the best mother.”

The girl huffed with a smile, wiping tears from her cheeks.

"Still, you made it. I'm proud of you, Sabine," she whispered, feeling a sudden surge of heat flood her body. Her face was hot with the burning fever, but Sabine considered her a beautiful, brave woman. They both knew what should happen next, but neither of them was ready for it.

"I love you very much, Sabine. I…" She paused for a moment, tears streaming out from under her eyelids. "Tell Tristan that I love him very much."

Sabine could no longer pretend to be strong.  
A loud sob came out of her throat, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She knew that such behavior was unacceptable in the Mandalorian culture, but it didn't matter to her. She had broken so many rules that this one was invalid.

"Don't leave me," she asked tearfully. She laid her head on her mother's breast, wanting to hear her heartbeat, wanting to feel like her daughter. Just for a while.

"I won't leave you, ad’ika," she whispered, placing her hand on her daughter's cheek and wiping one of her tears.

_I’m pregnant.  
Her name is Sabine.  
Sabine from my blood.  
She isn’t a traitor.  
She is my daughter.  
a l w a y s_

"You are my daughter, Sabine. You'll always be” Ursa's voice was the softest she had ever heard, but it hit her with redoubled force.

"Mom?" Sabine asked frantically, tearing her head quickly from her mother's chest.

She heard nothing more.  
And she felt nothing.  
And she was no longer here.

*****

She wanted to remember every moment.

Except for this, when she stepped out into the hallway, tears drying on her cheeks. She wanted to forget about it.

"I don't have mom anymore," she whispered, feeling her body tremble.

Tristan gave her a startled look, then briskly passed her into the room. Sabine stood closest, so she heard his groan best, which he tried to hide behind his hand. She didn't have to turn to see his pain. It was enough that she heard muffled sobs already.

"Sabine," Alrich began quietly and held out his hand to her. Still, she stood still, courageously avoiding the gaze of those around her.

"What did she tell you?" Tristan asked sharply, suddenly right behind her. "Sabine?!" He shouted, then turned her brutally towards him. Ezra gave him a brief look, as did Alrich and Fenn.

"She said... that she loves you. She loves you very much," she whispered.

"What else?" He asked, catching her on his shoulders. Sabine flinched as she looked at him with what could be called fear.

"Leave her alone, Tristan," Ezra chimed in, trying to drag the Mandalorian away from her friend. Tristan looked at him with a startled, teary look and pushed his sister away from him. As Sabine hit the pristine white wall, Ezra's anger grew.

"Stop interfering! You have nothing to say about it!" He shouted, coming up to the boy.

"Sabine is like a sister to me, I won't let you treat her like that. Even now. Look, I understand how you feel right now, but you need to calm down." Ezra didn't want to argue or fight, but he felt he had to stand up for Sabine. Some inner part made him do it.

"You don't understand anything!" Tristan tried to hit him, but suddenly felt strong arms pull him away from the young Jedi. He recognized his own father and Fenn trying to smooth things over. Sabine stood next to him, along with Bo-Katan, who glared at him. Tristan had to admit that it reminded him of what his mother used to throw up.

"You haven't been here for years, Sabine! She hated you for what you did. She told me that one evening, said that you are a traitor and you cannot call her mother. And yet, you were the last person she spoke to. What did you deserve this?!" He shouted directly at her, trying to break free. Bo-Katan suddenly stood in front of the girl, shielding her.

"Tristan, calm down," Alrich said suddenly, but the young man was not going to listen to him.

"How can you ask for this at all. She hasn't been here for years. She was gone when they brought her here or when she needed her most. She was gone when the Empire took control of our clan. She ran away like a coward," he growled, finally freeing himself from the men's slack grip. He didn't look so threatening anymore, but Ezra had the hilt of a lightsaber in his hand, ready to defend the Mandalorian at any moment. Tristan looked like he wanted to say something else, but he gave up and started toward the exit. Alrich looked at his daughter, then at her friend Jedi. Ezra nodded, making a mute promise to take care of Sabine, and the man followed his son.

"Are you okay?" Bo-Katan asked, turning to the young Mandalorian.

"Yes, I'm fine," she said, hugging herself as if she wanted to be a safe place for herself.

*****

"Tristan?" Alrich walked uncertainly to his son, then put a hand on his shoulder. He felt his body tremble and as he looked at his face, he saw a stream of tears running down his cheeks. The older Mandalorian had never known this sight.

The Mandalorians were a community built on a centuries-old tradition, raising children to be tough, almost indestructible warriors. But when Alrich looked at his own children, he didn't just see them as soulless beings. He saw them as real people who could not cope with the loss. Honestly, he couldn't either.

"I don't think about her that way. I just-" he paused, feeling more tears welling up in his eyes. "I wanted to say goodbye to her. Nothing more. I can't stand that Sabine had the opportunity to do so. For years I have lived with you on Krownest, I have devoted my whole life to the clan, and I have not even had the opportunity to say goodbye to its leader.”

"I know how you feel, Tristan, but... she loved you. She loved you very much. And even though you weren't able to hear it from her for the last time, I want you to remember it. Sabine made many mistakes in her life, but Ursa forgave her. She loved her and wanted to see her for the last time, to hear her, she wanted Sabine to remember her not only as a countess, but also as a mother. It may not sound very good because you should be allowed to do so too, but-„

"I understand what you're saying," Tristan interrupted suddenly, turning to look at the bustling capital as if the universe had not stopped at all. "But I won't be able to apologize to her yet.”

Alrich nodded, not wanting to force his son. Anyway, in this situation he didn't even have the heart to do it.

"I'd like to be alone for a moment," Tristan whispered, closing his eyes, letting the tears run down his cheeks.

"Sure," Alrich replied quietly, and returned to the building.

 _'Your children need you, Ursa,'_ he thought as he wiped the tears from his cheeks.

_"I'm pregnant," she whispered in his ear as she lay snuggled in his caring, warm arms in the evening. He muttered something in reply, too tired for the news to reach him right away. Ursa giggled, which she was not used to, and it was this gesture that shocked Alrich so much that he suddenly sat up. He looked at her, then rubbed his face with his hand, breaking out of the light sleep he was experiencing.  
"Can you repeat? I guess I dreamed you said you were pregnant," he said softly. Ursa sat down in front of him, then placed her hands on his cheeks.  
"It wasn't a dream, riduur. I'm pregnant," she repeated, smiling.  
Ursa Wren smiled really rarely, Alrich even said that it was definitely too rare. He loved her smile, the arrangement of her soft lips, the raised corners of her mouth gently. He knew that if she had reason to do so, she would not stop doing it. But her smile was only meant for times like this - when something beautiful appeared in their lives. When something they created together began.  
"You're pregnant," he repeated, as if the words were still not reaching him. "You're pregnant," he whispered, feeling tears appear under his eyelids. He let them run down his cheeks, let his wife rub them, and let her kiss him.  
He allowed himself to love her forever._

Alrich knew it would take a long time to come to terms with Ursa's death. He still couldn't believe everything that had happened. Especially since it happened so unexpectedly.  
He stopped at the beginning of the corridor, staring straight ahead. Among the people passing by, he saw Sabine sitting on the floor with her face hidden in her hands. He couldn't tell if she was crying, but judging by her friend's attitude, she had taken her mother's death badly.  
Alrich wanted to go to her, lock her in a fatherly embrace, but he was afraid. He was afraid that both of them would destroy each other even more.

_"She’s a traitor, Tristan. She is no longer your sister, and she is no longer my daughter. She's not one of us anymore," Ursa said sharply, standing up suddenly during dinner. All conversation stopped immediately, and all eyes looked at the Countess. "I forbid you to say her name in my house," she said to the assembled Mandalorians, giving them a serious, icy look. Alrich flinched at that look, but he didn't intend to speak. Not now._

_Ursa was sitting on the bed when Alrich entered their bedroom, right after he got ready for bed. In her hands she held a small ornament, a pendant offered to Sabine on the day she was born. Pendant with the symbol of the Wren clan. The man sat down next to his wife without saying a word. He also didn't ask why she was wearing a helmet. Nothing mattered at all right now, no words. All that mattered was the gestures, so he hugged her gently around the waist.  
"She's still our daughter," Ursa whispered, her voice slightly distorted by the helmet.  
"She will always be our daughter," he whispered back. She looked at him, though he couldn't see her eyes. He only stared at the black visor, giving her a gentle smile. He knew that she would not open up to him now, reveal her own face.  
He had the feeling that Ursa was hiding from the whole universe, hiding from him. The helmet hid her emotions, hid the pain Alrich would see in her eyes. Her lips might tremble, betraying her uncertainty. And tears could run down her cheeks, considered her weakness.  
"I'll always be her mother," she added quietly, then got up and left the bedroom. Alrich did not follow her though, giving her time to himself. It took a few moments for these words to reach her._

_Sabine might have been a traitor, she might not have been Clan Wren, but one thing was for sure - she never ceased to be their daughter._

*****

"Is it always like that?" Sabine asked quietly, lifting her head and casting a brief glance at Ezra, then looking out into the empty space in front of her.

"How?"

"So empty," she clarified. Ezra gave her a short smile, but nodded.

„Always."

"I have no idea what you think about me now. Everything Tristan said is true. I was not on Mandalore, I ran away, became a traitor in the eyes of my own clan, and then suddenly returned, wanting to involve them in another war. My brother is right, I had no right to be a daughter to her," Sabine said softly, but didn't care if anyone else was listening. At that moment, all matters not connected with the Countess's death meant absolutely nothing to her. Ezra put a hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention.

"Listen, Sabine. I don't know much about the Mandalorians, except that you guys are very close to your family. And you showed it. Since I appeared on the Ghost during and after each mission, you have been like a sister to me. Even though at the beginning I tried to flirt with you.” Here they both laughed. "I understand everything Tristan said, except when he mentioned your mother, saying you had no right to be called her daughter. You are brave, courageous, resourceful and understanding. And you were, you are, and you will always be to her the Sabine she knew you. A Sabine that no one else will know. You'll always be her daughter.”

"Ezra, I… I don't know what to say," she replied quietly, resting tears from her cheeks.

"You don't have to say anything, just don't think about it anymore. It will be okay, you'll see," he said, hugging her to him. Sabine smiled as he felt his warm arm embrace her disintegrating body.

"Will you be there tomorrow?" She asked quietly, looking up at his eyes.

"You know, you don't have to ask. Of course I will," he replied with a smile. "Just like you were with me when I needed you."

"Thank you Ezra, really. Thank you for always being able to count on you."

*****

Tristan just looked at her for a moment. Her body was completely inert, her eyes were closed and her mouth was in a thin line. She didn't look like she was asleep. His mother hated sleeping on her back.

Alrich was standing right behind him, his hand on his son's shoulder, tears drying on his cheeks. They stared at the dead woman for a moment, silent. Words were redundant in a place like this, filled to the brim with suffering and a longing that could not be compared to anything else.

Sabine put her hand on the clear glass, unable to be there with them. But she looked at her brother and father with tears, feeling their pain within her. Feeling fear and uncertainty about the future of the closest family. One thing was for sure - now they had to stay together.

Tristan hesitantly walked over to Sabine as she lay on the bunk. Bo-Katan promised that prepare Ursa's funeral, but she put the family in tents in her camp. She did not want them to spend the night on the ship or return to Krownest. She promised to take care of everything.

"Sabine, I... I'd like to apologize to you," Tristan began, sitting down on the bunk next to her. She rose slowly to sit next to him, not bothering to style her tousled hair or wipe the tears from her cheeks. They were in this together.

"Fine. You were right," she admitted, glancing at him. "I wasn't a good daughter for her.”

"You're changing that now, being my sister," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. Sabine nestled into her brother's body, smiling through her tears. He had not called her sister since she returned to Krownest.

"Thank you, thank you for forgiving me," she whispered.

"Now we have to stay together," he said, and Sabine gave him a brief uncertain look. Tristan must have known deeply what she thought. "At least for the next few days," he added.

_"This is your brother, Sabine," Alrich whispered, looking at his daughter with a teary look. He was smiling broadly, revealing a tiny baby. Sabine tilted her head, not understanding what he meant. She was almost two, but there were still many things she had no idea about. For example now, when she was shown something small, sleeping and pleasantly smelling.  
"You are the big sister, ad'ika," added Alrich calmly, gently rocking the bundle.  
"I don't think she understands it yet," Ursa said softly, walking up to her family. She sat down slowly beside Sabine, shivering slightly. She was still in pain, but she couldn't let go of seeing this moment.  
"All good?" Alrich asked. She nodded, then hugged Sabine, pulling her lightly against him. She brushed her hair from her forehead with her hand and kissed it gently. Sabine chuckled, then pointed her finger at the baby Alrich still held in his arms.  
"Vod'ika," she said softly, as if telling her a secret.  
"Yes, Sabine, this is your brother. You may not know what this means yet, but when you get older you will feel what it is like to be a big sister," said Alrich.  
"I know you can handle it, ad," Ursa whispered, then kissed Sabine again._

*****

Bo-Katan straightened, staring at her friend's white-clad body. Fenn wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him, but she didn't budge. She stared blankly at the slightest movement, resisting the sensation of warmth from Fenn's protective side. She ignored him.

"Bo," he began, turning her to his side. Her gaze was icy, it almost chilled him to the core. "You don't have to be like that, cyar'ika."

Bo-Katan nodded without saying anything. She had made her farewell speech moments earlier without stammering for a moment. Fenn listened to her words and looked at her, seeing how much it cost her to keep her emotions in check. Nobody demanded it from her, but she was faithful to her own upbringing, tradition passed down from generation to generation.

Suddenly, however, she disentangled herself from his arms and walked to Ursa's body, putting her own helmet to her forehead and whispering words that none of the gathered people heard. The world froze, stopped in silence, as if the whole planet was paying tribute to a fallen warrior. As Bo-Katan put on her helmet, Fenn saw tears in her eyes, but didn’t follow her as she left.

_Re'turcye mhi_

Sabine had so many sentences in my head, but none of them came out during the ceremony. She didn't say a word, just looked at the dead, covered body. Ezra was standing right behind her, so that he could support her. He had always considered her a tough fighter, but that day he saw her extremely sensitive soul. He put a hand on her shoulder and closed his eyes, focusing on sending her positive energy through the Force. She smiled slightly, feeling the pleasant warmth take over her body. Ezra, she thought.

_Re'turcye mhi_

Tristan stood next to Sabine, fingers gripping his helmet and staring at his visor. He saw the reflection of the tired boy with dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and crying. He sniffed his nose and looked around at the crowd, noticing much of the Mandalorian in Clan Wren armor. Everyone mourned their leader with him. She was a just countess, a good man and the best mother he could ever imagine. She didn't have to be like the others. He loved her as she was. She raised him, passed on her knowledge, prepared him so that he could one day take her place. Now she couldn't tell him anything. He looked at her body one last time, then put on his helmet, hiding his personal suffering from the world.

_Re'turcye mhi_

Alrich heard the loud pounding of his own heart as he calmly walked over to his beloved's body. His eyes looked similar to Tristan's. Last night had been a time of reflection, a time of trying to come to terms with her passing. Each attempt to fall asleep ended in failure, or wake up and hopelessly search for her presence.  
He found her hand, taking it calmly and letting a tear roll down his cheek.

_"Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'jur verde," she said in a serious voice, though he sensed joy in it.  
"Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'jur verde," he repeated, reaching for her hand. He leaned his head towards her, after a while he felt their helmets hit each other in a kiss that held them together forever. Beskar slapping against beskar, the sound that makes a frenzy around them. Their hands are joined in a tender embrace, an announcement of a love that will endure everything._

"Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum, cyar'ika," he whispered, leaning his head over her body. Then he took the helmet in his hands, lifted it up, and pressed his forehead against helmet. He whispered words meant only for her, as Bo-Katan had done before. His hands trembled as he walked away from her, holding the most important part of her armor. He gritted his teeth to keep from screaming out his pain.

He stood and watched as moments later the flames took over everything, how his beloved wife was taken from him by the second. How they take one of the most precious people away from him, leaving him with pain and lost.

 _'Gar cuyir mhi cyar'ika, darasuum’_ , he thought, closing his eyes, letting out tears and suffering silently until the fire finally died out.

*******

Ezra looked at Sabine as she packed her things in a bag. Only a few days had passed since Ursa's funeral, but the Mandalorian no longer wanted to be at Mandalore. Yesterday she contacted Hera who promised to come to Krownest as soon as possible. Ezra was not surprised. He remembered the moment when he and Kanan went on a mission right after learning the truth about his parents. He did not forget about them even for a minute, but he knew that the actions they take are right and serve others. He didn't try to distract Sabine from her decision, she knew best what was good for her.

"You should take some more paints," Ezra said, packing up his own things. He glanced over his shoulder at her, noting that she had suddenly stopped moving. „Are you alright?”

"Yes, I'm fine," she said, but her voice was strange. Ezra put down everything he had in his hands and walked over to her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"What is?" He asked quietly, not giving up.

"I don't know," she replied truthfully. She sat down on the bunk, hiding her face in her hands and letting warm tears run down her cheeks.

"Bine..."

"I can't feel her, Ezra. I don't feel her presence," she said softly through the clenched throat. "As if-"

"Listen to me, Bine," he began, crouching in front of her and grasping her hands, exposing her wet face. "What would your mother say if she saw you now?”

"Mandalorians never cry," she replied, for the first words came to mind.

"You see? She's still here. You don't need to see her or feel her presence. She is still with you. She lives in you.”

Sabine looked up and gave him a sincere, gentle smile. The most beautiful he had ever seen on her face since she became his older sister.

*****

Alrich watched the Ghost land on the landing field in the snowy scenery of Krownest. Despite his warm clothes, his body was cold. Sabine had left the fortress moments earlier with Tristan and Ezra. She had already said goodbye to her brother, but when it was her father's turn, the separation seemed much more difficult.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here on Krownest? This is your home, Sabine, you are always welcome here," Alrich said, facing her.

"I've made up my mind, Dad. I know you'd like to ground me here. Especially after all this, she replied softly. But I can't back down now. I am part of an important issue. I have been fighting for the Rebellion for years and intend to continue doing so. I will avenge my mother and every creature that has been harmed by the Empire. I swear to you," she said, and Alrich wrapped his arms tightly around her, hugging his daughter.

"You're exactly like her," he whispered, then kissed her temple. Sabine smiled slightly, trying not to cry. She had shed enough tears in the last few days.

"I love you, Dad," she whispered before disengaging herself from his fatherly embrace.

"I love you too, Sabine. Never ever forget that you are my daughter," he said and released her, watching her walk away after a moment. Then she disappears aboard the ship along with the other family. And then he watched it fly away, vanished from his life. But only for a moment.

Alrich knows she will be back soon.


End file.
